Joe Biden Says He Cured Cancer, Much Like Al Gore Invented the Internet

Matt Smith Photographer /
Matt Smith Photographer /

Joe Biden is looking as fit as a fiddle these days, isn’t he? He’s spry, agile, and quick-witted, and really knows how to dazzle a crowd. After all, it would be impossible to get 81 million votes if you were a nasty, bitter, doddering old fool! Just this week, Joe Biden “wowed” an audience with his claim that he had cured cancer.

This must have seemed like odd news to all the people with cancer. We’ll give him this much: when Joe Biden lies to the American people, he always goes big.

He told an audience on Tuesday, “I said I’d cure cancer … Because no one thinks we can!”

Biden continued, “We’ve ended cancer as we know it!”

It left people scratching their heads. It’s reminiscent of the time that Al Gore claimed that he had invented the internet during the 2000 presidential race against George W. Bush. No one believed him either. It’s not like Al Gore even had dementia or anything at the time. Habitual lying is one of the hallmarks of being a Democrat politician.

Later in the same speech, Joe Biden announced that COVID-19 had killed “over 100 people.” That is technically a truthful statement, but his accuracy might be a little bit off.

Joe Biden wrapped up the event by wandering around the stage like a doddering old coot and then urging people on the second-floor balcony, “Don’t jump!” This is some kind of bizarre joke that Biden repeats all the time, although no one knows why.

The country is in the very best of hands, everyone! Joe Biden has cured cancer, and he is proud of his son Hunter. Nothing to see here. Move along. It’s not like the country is being run by an incompetent dementia potato or anything.